A Milestone Birthday

I’m taking a break this week from my Paris by the Numbers series to share some thoughts about a recent milestone birthday I celebrated. Where do the years go?? It’s hard to believe that I have reached this age. I don’t feel old, in fact, sometimes I feel like a kid who doesn’t know what to do when they grow up. I have grey hair, wrinkles, arthritis, aches and pains but I still feel young at heart. However, there’s no stopping the clock!

As I reflect on the years, I realize how wonderfully fortunate and blessed I am. My life is full of wonderful family, friends and a beautiful home. If one counts their riches in friends and family, I am very wealthy indeed! I love to travel and even lived in France for several years. I have visited many countries around the globe, and will add even more in the next three weeks. I have made many wonderful friends along the way, for whom I am eternally grateful.

I am also grateful to have had a successful career, it certainly isn’t what I envisioned. When I was in my teens and twenties, I thought I wanted to be a clinical dietitian. I got a BS in food science and nutrition, but never went on to become an RD. Instead, a project management position in medical research fell into my lap, which I accepted without regrets. Project management is a tough profession, often like herding cats. But I worked for a wonderful doctor who was supportive and encouraging, and am glad I chose that path.

But for many of us, life is hard sometimes. When my stepson, Adam, was a little kid, he often said: life is hard you know! It sounded funny coming from a little kid. Little did we know that in his early twenties, he would be left paralyzed by a surgical mistake. He has spent most of his adult life confined to a wheelchair. But he always has a smile on his face and a positive attitude. He truly is an amazing person.

Yes, life is often filled with painful situations, heartache, sadness. My dear brother took his own life 25 years ago. He had struggled with addiction and depression most of his life, and simply couldn’t take it any longer. He is in my thoughts every single day and somehow, I know he is finally at peace.

Last year my daughter and I read an amazing book called The In-Between written by hospice nurse, Hadley Vlahos, RN. She shares stories of hospice patients near death, and how they are almost always visited by a deceased loved one who has passed before them. The deceased loved one will linger with the patient for a while before taking them to the next realm, or wherever we go when we die. This phenomena is often deeply disturbing for the patient’s family and caretakers, so much so that many hospice organizations have actually developed pamphlets to explain that this is a normal part of the death process.

In the book she shares case studies of actual patients who experienced this. One woman was visited by her sister, one man was visited by a large group of his deceased family members including his parents and grandparents. One particularly poignant account tells of a patient who was close to death and had not been out of bed for many weeks. One day his wife found him running through the house searching for something. He told his wife that their young daughter, who had died many decades earlier, had come to fetch him, and they were playing a game of hide and seek before it was time to go. It was hard to hold back the tears after reading that one. All this is a long-winded way of saying that the entire time I was reading the book, I kept thinking when it’s my time to go, I hope with all my might my brother will be the one to fetch me.

Through the hard times I have learned some lessons, many of them at the school of hard knocks. There is a sign in our entryway which is spot on. Interestingly, there was a similar sign in an Airbnb we stayed at in Paris.

Both signs point out the importance of forgiveness; a key component of healthy relationships. It is vitally important to acknowledge when we are wrong and apologize; I have had plenty of practice with this! Luckily, most of the people in my life are not grudge holders and are accepting of apologies. On the flip side, if you’re on the receiving end, give grace by acknowledging and accepting the apology, letting go of the offense and moving on. Blogger Marcie Lyons said: If you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you. Powerful words and excellent advice about moving on and not living in the past.

Life is often filled with difficult people and challenging relationships. Many of us have been in a relationship with someone who caused deep and lasting wounds. Deceitfulness at the hands of someone who claims to love you is very painful indeed. How do you move on when people say cruel, slanderous things or make false accusations? Not easily, that’s for sure. Having a strong support system in the form of trusted friends and family helps. Meditation and alternate nostril breathing also help. It is true that time heals, at least for me. People who choose bitterness and conflict over peace and forgiveness are very sad and are best kept at a distance.

As I continue through my seventh decade, I’m going to work on being grateful for each day and being present in the moment, rather than always thinking ahead. Another goal is to improve my listening skills. There is an old Native American saying: Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf. Listening is a skill, and one that can be improved, thankfully, since it is an important element in healthy relationships.

I am fortunate, thankful and grateful to have lived this life. I’m thoroughly enjoying my retirement and golden years by traveling, blogging, photography but mostly by spending quality time with family and friends. Since retiring 3 years ago, theTravelsketcher and I have added 19 countries to our list. We will add even more in the coming weeks. However, it’s not the number that counts, it’s the people we meet along the way, experiencing new cultures and seeing new vistas that draws me to travel.

Through joy, pain, sorrow, hardship or whatever comes my way, I’ll attempt to be present in the moment, appreciate and learn from every experience.

Bring on the next chapter. All the best,

Tricia